When all the pieces fit together...

Finally my life is going good.  Im trying hard in school.  it sucks (as it should).  I got a  job at an engineering company. It is excellent opportunity and it's a great company to be apart of.  Don't get me wrong - I am very happy about it.  I just don't know why I don't feel happier.  I feel kind of empty.      It seems like my life is falling together,finally, and I should be happy. My dad has been having clean scans from his cancer (he had osteosarcoma in his upper jaw).  My room is clean.  Everyone in my family is doing well.  No one is terribly sick.  We have had no major incidents, well since my grandma's funeral.      I just feel that I should be happier.  I should feel something more.    Am I broken?   My life is falling together finally.   What's wrong with me?   I know this is just a stage. Once I begin my job I hope that it changes.  Routine always helps. Plus the sense of accomplishment.  It will be awesome.  and fun.  and good.

Talking about... The D.

This past weekend I was messaging my drunken best friend Matt.  It was around midnight.  Earlier in the evening we were talking about his ex girlfriend, and how when they broke up I was friends with both of them.  But now My loyalties are only with him, if he wanted to ask anything.  To which He decided to begin asking questions about that at midnight.     Sometimes he is just so poetic. He messages me, 'Does she want my d? That be fun. her sister is hot too.'  and naturally I, in hopes to make this conversation to awkward to go on, refer to 'd' as his dick[which he was obviously insuating] and go on to tell him the sister is jail bait.  And as the conversation keeps going on, and he asks about different people wanting his 'd'  and eventually I get fed up with him refering to his dick as 'd' and ask why he does so, all I got was 'Cuz its quicker.'  That's lame.  But I found that confusing.  And weird.     But with that story having just happened in my life, I found these tweets to be amusing.  I figured a laugh is always appreciated. 

Do I want the D?No, I'm aiming for a B+ at least.
— Sexually Oblivious (@SexualOblivious) March 23, 2013

She wants the D? You need girl who wants A.
— Asian Father (@ItsAsianFather) March 26, 2013

Hope you have a wonderful night and a marvelous tomorrow!

A List of [Some of] My Insecurities

I am an avid Thought Catalog reader.  and when I read this post it inspired me to do my own list of insecurities.  Maybe it will help you realize that you are not insane... or helps justify that you are insane.  ;)  depends upon your viewpoint of me I suppose.  Here we go!!

• Am I being awkward?
• Is what I am doing considered normal?
• Will I even pass this class?
• Does anyone want me
• Why are my teeth so yellow now.  
• Am I too clingy
• Why does my body grow so much hair that I do not want.  Could it just stop growing once I remove it?  That would be  so very nice.  I am so tired of removing the same hair in the same area's over and over again.
• Why are my hands so sweaty.  Other people's hands are not so sweaty. Why are mine. 
• Can everyone see how much acne is on my face? 
• Do people think they are my friend or am I just wrong. 
• My eyebrows are shaped weird. Will anyone notice
• Why can I not cut my bangs straight...
• While watching Desperate Housewives, is it weird that when the plumber died that that made me super upset about my grandma dying?  Is it so very weird. I suppose not. I hope not.
• How can I loose weight better
• Why can't I just be happy
• Why are other people not safe drivers?  Are they going to crash into me?  Can you please just stay in your lane.... don't come over here...
• Will I ever truly be independent
• Why do boys not like me? Am I really so unattractive
• Do I annoy people with how passionate I am
• Do other people carry their phone's all the time.
• Why cant I smile normal
• Am I too Bitchy?
• Why do my boobs look so weird.  Why can't they be the same.
• Assuming the worst every time something happens... is this normal/
• Does everyone else feel like a fraud and a failure?
•  Why when something bad happens between me and another person do I assume it's my fault. 
• Why are my bangs so greasy
• is my hair three times the size it normally is?  oh goodness.  How do I make it smaller...
• does everyone else notice how my nail polish is chipped?
• Do I watch too much TV? is that possible? 
• Does my best friend think I am his best friend?  or does he think that I am just super clingy.

First Kisses

When I kiss my crush for the first time:   Expectation:

   Reality:

 via #whatshouldbetchescallme   This is true.  First kisses are imagined to be so hot, and sexy.  But they end up being awkward.   My last first kiss I ended up kind of running away due to almost being late to my course. 
I thought he was going to hug me, but turns out he was going in for a kiss.  I only realized this once our heads had passed and my arms were around him.  That was semi awkward.  But life goes on.  

Stupid Boy.

So I, like any other college student, am on Facebook.  And on the side of Facebook they have those lovely little ads that say so and so is using a certain a certain app, or likes a certain product.  Lately one ad in particular has been showing up.  I have modified it to respect the boy’s privacy.  As you will be able to tell if you are familiar with the product why I am so annoyed when I see it.

He has been using Zoosk (click here for the link to the Zoosk website) lately, or so I have derived due to the ad constantly popping up.  And they pop up when someone recently likes them.  And well.  He is my only friend who has ‘liked’ said product.  And it has only recently been showing.  Aka after he broke up with me. (if you want the story of how he broke up with me,  click here)    So after seriously debating asking him to change his security settings, I figured out you can hide certain ads.  And I disabled the Zoosk one.  When you click on the disable button, there is a survey that shows, this one in fact:

 And you can see the last few words I typed.  Well.  That was the first thing I actively did that was semi-childish about the breakup.  Which is not that large of a childish action because it is probably anonymous and never will be read.  But this is the whole paragraph I wrote to whomever reads the other reasons as to why I unsubscribed to that ad:

I do not wish to see that my ex boyfriend who broke up with me because he is "too busy" is suddenly using this dating app, zoosk.  And having to see he is using it all the time (it is usually the ad that pops up when I am doing something on facebook) is most upsetting.  Did I mention he broke up with me by changing his facebook status to single without talking to me first?  oh, I didn't?  well.  There we go.  So I don't mind seeing other people using it.  I just do not wish to see that The Boy  is using it [facebook username: I wrote his username here].  So this is why I wish not to see this ad, my bad, sponsored story about him.

So this is my ranting about the ridiculousness that is this stupid boy.  Thank you for taking the time to read this.  And I hope you found it mildly amusing or something positive.

A Confermation I have no Life. ha.

So looking on Thought catalog, there is a lovely post titled 10 signs You have No life.  Number one is so relatable to me.  especially now That I have a full bed.

1. You sleep in a bed with your laptop and a pile of books and magazines. Nothing says “I’m not getting laid as much as I’d like” than a bunch of crap taking the place of where another human body should be. “Um, this area is reserved for my celibacy. Please stay away. Thank you…”

Ha.  it's true.  please.  stay away.  this is reserved for no one.  Like literally, no one.  :D

Merry Thursday to you!

How to Flirt

Now that I am single, I need to know how to flirt.

I should stop doing this (via #whatshouldwecallme )

When everyone else is in a relationship

And I’m just like,

I have found some very good descriptions of how others are flirting and have related them to my own experiences of said, 'flirting' . 

 Via #whatshouldwecallme

That is how I flirt. Please contact me.  I am on it.  :)  Ha.  Plus blogger and tumblr and instagram and.... haha

I am pretty sure I have literally done something like that.
"Wow your eye's are so pretty!"
"thanks. Bananas are food"
"uhh..... okk...."

#Storyofmylife

 via #whatshouldyoucallme

First date conversation.  You like stuff? Awesome.  I like stuff.  What stuff you ask?   uhhh....  Well... I do a lot of breathing.  and sleeping.  and some other things.  Yes.  I know I am awkward.  thank you. Pretty sure that this describes my first date accurately.

Christmas, Round Two

Well, this Christmas was unique.  This was the first Christmas without my Uncle, and also without my Grandma. 

The Surviving Uncle who isn't blood related...was quite the character.  He had gotten a few beers into him.   And well.  His lack of a filter was a lot worse than usual.  Last night an amber alert was put out for a 20 year old mother and her 17 month old son because they were kidnapped by three men wearing hoodies.  All five were Black.  Thankfully the Woman and her son were recovered a few hours later.  When were talking about this incident while preparing the food and a few people were hanging out in the kitchen, he exclaims "oh, you mean that [n-word]."  I mean really.  Who in this day an age uses that word?  I know he was raised with a racist family, but at this point it is his choice to not talk better.  So there was that and his terrible jokes, no one really finds that funny.  My cousins laugh at him when he's telling it because of the ridiculousness.

Christmas went on, eating dinner, cleaning up, my aunt doing dishes.  She continued doing dishes whilst the presents were opened.  Speaking of presents, my Uncle got us a nice bottle of Champagne, worth $150! it is just insane.

After my aunt left with her husband and super awkward son, it was nice hanging out with my cousins, Tom, Kathleen, and John, My Aunt Chris, and My Uncle Dave.  Oh, of course my direct family too.  We had a fun time just joking around.  

Once everyone else left, we chilled as a family and watched, The Santa Clause.  It was fun.  Then we all went our separate ways... Now I am here in my bed with my new TV and DVD player.  

Sadly though, I have found out that my good friend Danielle's mother might have pneumonia, or lung cancer.  The doctors are not sure yet.  :/  So Please keep her in your prayers!  The more the merrier!!

So That is this Christmas. I hope you have had a blessed and happy Christmas. 

Shit, Sex, Farts, Cops, Cars, Booze

the title for this post is basically what this past weekend was about for me.  :)

Let me explain what some of this means.  :)

Farts - There was a girl, Caroline who is a younger girl in Phi Rho.  She is super nice and friendly.  We were going around and saying different words that we thought were so funny when you hear them.  like penis...though not so much.  but shaft and penetration still are. :)  yay!  lol.  But Caroline thought fart is a funny word.  Which the way she says fart is so funny.  So it was funny to hear her keep  saying fart.  along with when farting actually occurred over the weekend.  That always got a lot of giggles. 

Cars - We rode around a bit.  But they relate to the cops topic too...  but we went to Mara's Bosses' house and hung out a bit there while we took care of the two dogs and three cats.  they were just so cute!!!!  I loved this one cat,  i could just hold him forever.... if he wasn't so shy.  the one dog always tried to bite your feet too.  that was annoying.  and scary at the time.  Not a big fan of animals biting my feet.

you can see (if you tilt your head sideways) one of the dogs, marley, watching tv.  It's tramp (from lady and the tramp) singing on the TV.  :)  it was just so cute I couldn't not take a picture! Just adorable

Cops - On Saturday Melissa (kristen's roommate, and my friend :)  )  lent one of her housemate's her car to go to the drug store to pick up a prescription.  Turns out when she was coming home she was about to turn left, and another car came around a left curve and scraped off the license plate and a bit of the bumper.   

there's the pic we sent to her dad.  It's basically fine.  She ended up going to some auto shop and they had her pay three dollars for a washer and bolts and screwing the license plate back in.  The car ripped the heads off the screw's.  so the people also drilled new holes so that it stayed in place.  :)
On that, we called the cops because initially it was thought that someone hit and run in the drug stores parking lot.  so the Dayton Cops came, but  because we realized it happened on campus, they referred us to the Dayton cops.  But they tend to be dicks.  So after asking about how to handle the situation with the cop, because there was no actual real damage done, they decided not to file a report.    

Cops part two - Yesterday Mara went to her boss's to take care of the dogs again.  And when she got back, she realized that her back plate was stolen. So we called the UD cops, because we saw it had to have happened in the parking lot. There were so many car with their license plate missing, or their back windshield wiper broken off, or their antenna broken off.  So she filed a report with the UD cops so that if someone actually stole it and tried to use it in a crime.  It was fun talking with the UD cops that came to take her report.  Of which we initially called the non emergency Dayton cops, then called the UD cops...neither of which Mara had in her phone.  So i gave it to her and waited with her and such.  She just has to move her front plate to the back so she has a lower probability of being pulled over. 

shit-well, not only did we talk shit, we talked about shit.  haha.... fun times. :)  

well,  I'll post about booze and sex another time.  maybe  ;)  we shall see what happens!!!!

Weekend Update

So Went to Dayton this past weekend.  It was super fun.  

When I got in, i parked behind the house and walked over to the pie a professor event.  That was kinda fun to watch, but it was nice to see all these people.  It was fun chillin' and hanging with them.  I got to meet Mara and Kristen's littles, Ray, Mary, and Kathleen.  

Kristen and I then brought stuff back to the house and went to the bathroom. Kathleen, Maria (one of Amy's littles), and Caroline (Alex P's little), and Mara and Kristen and I went to dinner at Marycrest on Kathleen and Caroline's dime.  So that was super duper nice. It was nice meeting them and hanging out with them. 

 But then Nikki was coming and she was texting me and calling me letting me know when she was getting in.  I didn't realize she was so like I AM COMING TO SEE YOU!!!!  which is kinda scary.  Especially since we don't really talk all that often.  Basically we've never talked since we left.

So from texting matt and talking to him he knew i didn't really want to be with her one on one.  So I told him id Go there if that was at all possible.  Which it ended up as we were leaving Marycrest, Matt and Nikki were walking towards us.  I was soo excited to see Matt.  though he has this scraggly beard thing going on. It's interesting.  Us and the dinner crew went o the galley for ice cream.  which they didn't have any.  :(  so matt and nikki and I didn't want to go get a smoothie with everyone else, so we ended up going over to his house and hanging.Then she wanted to call? or got a call from Jordan... this gamer dude. That [name removed] made out with. that one.  So Nikki was like Lets go over the the commuter lounge and see him!  And matt was like yeah that sounds good.!  Its jordan!  I was like.. no, knowing it would be super awkward.  But i didn't want to be a downer for matt so i ended up going anyways.  Which it was really awkward.  Everyone was wearing black shirts (coincidence) and playing magic and other games.  I was ready to get the hell out of there so i texted mara and asked where they were so i could escape.  So I was like I am going to go meet up with some people.  Which i think i told matt it was Kristen and Mara.  So he was like I think I'm going to leave too.  And that was after I had said my goodbyes.  and then he took forever so I left.  He ended up calling me, which my phone was on silent. and met up with me outside the building.  We went over to Phi Rho and hung out on the porch.  They started talkign about all this stuff with hw and such.  And it was funny. Mara kept talking about how if someone would do the MATLAB code for her, she would perform sexual favors.  For realz.

Which is why Matt probs sent it to her.............

• Go inside
• awkwardness period
• ryan mooney
• kelsey
• ice cream.... but no ice cream
• richards brian bowman... that whole group of boys mark mehal, etc
• dumb game - star wars paradey
• left 
• kathleen and kristen
• drove kathleen home
• cody's 
• nick and hannah, taste, beer, go up, shot
• clean up
• cody drive us to hannah
• phone forgotten
• pancakes from nick
• chatting with hannah
• her stuff
• my stuff
• porch
• bed

• sat.
• get up
• wake up mara at 815
• wait around and go to cody's to get keys at 915
• hang out a wee bit 
• get milk and pop and cappachino
• spill up hill
• shower
• waffles11
• dishes
• walkby andrews thing super awk
• back home
• do hw at matts
•  go get flasks from cody
• go to house
• move tv
• go to matts
• go to house
• talk a wee bit
• get fusian with emily - zebra chocolate bread cookie
• eat fusian
• get things together to go over to sarah's to get ready
• get ready
• drink
• begin walking over
• sarah falls over
• bloody doctor
• go to mcguiness
• go to dance
• cinci is there
• dance dance dance
• drink drink drink
• in bathroom with purse and cop lady walks in with kristen almost drinking
• katie ranting about she's no longer 00 
• katie drinking
• katie ordering champagne
•  sraah gets jumped on
• tells me about jess at gavel
• would never enddd
• two buses
• went back to sarah's
• srah and asthma
• kim emily mara and i to house with kristen to drop stuff off
• abrs? not bars
• animal crackers
• emily passes out
• kim goes home
• mara and i go to see if andrew is still having a party
• matt is up
• go in.  stand around.  sit
• watch tv
• talk about oging to bars
• go to kitchen
• disgusting pizza
• water
• smore
• lick mara's finger
• boob talk
• southpark on netflix
• mara wants to watch porn
• snuggling
• leave
• foot hurts
• forgot clutch
• go back get it
• he meets me outside
• mara iswaitingforme.
• wantsto make sure i'm not mad
• i admit i am jealous of her, though its not her fault he was on her.
• she did bitehim.
• yay!
• uncomfy couch
• sleep

• wake up
• pillow talkwith emily
• michael in scotland
• get up
• clean up
• make up
• get house ready for whatcha callit
• bbq
• chill
• mary kayparty.... narrow hooded eyes round face
• wait around for matt to respond cuz i want to get out.
• end up maybe thinking about being thealumni chapter chairperson
• have emails to send
• go to matts, but he wasabout to go out the door to the library so it was a quick goodbye...nice hug though.
• it was good, cuz i was ready to fall apart
• bye to ryan 
• bye to tadj... did a dig at him about how he is actually going to hug me for once.
• go to phi rho
• say goodbye to them.  get rid of last of vodka... sarah is still upstairs
• drop flasks off say a quick hi bye to kaylea
• go home