When all the pieces fit together...

Finally my life is going good.  Im trying hard in school.  it sucks (as it should).  I got a  job at an engineering company. It is excellent opportunity and it's a great company to be apart of.  Don't get me wrong - I am very happy about it.  I just don't know why I don't feel happier.  I feel kind of empty.      It seems like my life is falling together,finally, and I should be happy. My dad has been having clean scans from his cancer (he had osteosarcoma in his upper jaw).  My room is clean.  Everyone in my family is doing well.  No one is terribly sick.  We have had no major incidents, well since my grandma's funeral.      I just feel that I should be happier.  I should feel something more.    Am I broken?   My life is falling together finally.   What's wrong with me?   I know this is just a stage. Once I begin my job I hope that it changes.  Routine always helps. Plus the sense of accomplishment.  It will be awesome.  and fun.  and good.

Awesome Grey's Anatomy Quotes - Season One

  I LOVE LOVE LOVE Grey's Anatomy.  So much so I like to re-watch it.  And I am recording my favorite moments and quotes   The Opening scene with Meredith and Derek.  I love how it's foreshadowing.  and awkward and awesome.
  When O'Malley is defined as 007
  When Grey and Shepard first make out in the elevator
  When "the four" get the brain dead patient to become an organ donor
  When Izzy, as Dr. Model, yells at everyone because she put her self through med school by using her body to model.   Meredith:  How do you know what's real, and what's not?   Derek:  You Just do.    The fact they call Karev Evil Spawn.     Derek: Meredith I am so sorry.   Addison. What are you doing here? Addison: You would know if you bothered to return any one of my phone calls.  [to Meredith] Hi. I'm Addison Shepherd.
Meredith: Shepherd?
Addison: And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband   When did we become grownups?  And how do we make it stop?   It's my party, and I'll get drunk if I want to.    So you blew me off for a bottle of tequila?  That's not nearly as much fun to wake up to.  

Orthodox Facts

I have been doing some research, after somehow managing to get on the topic of suicide with my Catholic friend.  It made me curious as to what my church, The Orthodox Church in America, has to say on that subject.

Here is where I found this info


Birth Control

The possible exception to the above affirmation of continuity of teaching is the view of the Orthodox Church on the issue of contraception. Because of the lack of a full understanding of the implications of the biology of reproduction, earlier writers tended to identify abortion with contraception. However, of late a new view has taken hold among Orthodox writers and thinkers on this topic, which permits the use of certain contraceptive practices within marriage for the purpose of spacing children, enhancing the expression of marital love, and protecting health.

'mixed marriage

Though the Church would prefer that all Orthodox Christians would marry Orthodox Christians, it does not insist on it in practice. Out of its concern for the spiritual welfare of members who wish to marry a non-Orthodox Christian, the Church will conduct a "mixed marriage." For this purpose, a "non-Orthodox Christian" is a member of the Roman Catholic Church, or one of the many Protestant Churches which believe in and baptize in the name of the Holy Trinity. This means that such mixed marriages may be performed in the Orthodox Church. However, the Orthodox Church does not perform marriages between Orthodox Christians and persons belonging to other religions, such as Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, or any sectarian and cult group, such as Christian Science, Mormonism, or the followers of Rev. Moon.

 Other christians

First, it has meant that Orthodoxy has sought to influence other churches, primarily through the ecumenical movement, to renounce systematic proselytizing programs. The opposition to such organized "sheep-stealing" programs has been generally accepted in the ecumenical movement and they are not now widely practiced.
Second, the Orthodox do not themselves practice "proselytism" in the sense that they do not actively seek to cause the disaffection of others from their non-Orthodox Christian faiths. This does not mean, however, that anyone seeking to learn about the Orthodox Faith will be turned away. Converts are not readily accepted unless they learn as much as possible about the Orthodox Faith before they make a decision to join it. Following instruction, close examination, and the expression of strong willingness to convert, they may be received into the Orthodox Church, some merely by declaration and repetition of the Creed, and others (the majority), by means of the sacrament of Holy Anointing (Chrismation).
Third, if an Orthodox Christian is formally received into membership by another (non-Orthodox) Church and receives Holy Communion in that Church, he or she becomes an apostate (apostates). Such a person is not considered to be an Orthodox Christian any longer, and may not receive Holy Communion in the Orthodox Church, nor serve at a baptism or wedding as a sponsor. Should such persons seek to return to the Orthodox Church, they are received back into the Church through a profession of faith, and the sacrament of Chrismation.

Suicide:

Suicide is the taking of one's own life. The Orthodox Church has, over the centuries, taught that we do not have the right to take our own lives, since life is a gift from God which we are called upon to preserve and enhance. Hence, the Church considers direct suicide, when a person destroys his or her life with his or her own hand, to be the most serious kind of murder, because there is no opportunity for repentance. The canons and practice of the Church thus prohibit a Church burial to a person who has committed suicide. However, if it can be shown that the person who has committed suicide was not mentally sound, then, upon proper medical and ecclesiastical certification, the burial can be conducted by the Church. In cases, however, where the deceased held a philosophical view affirming the right to suicide, or allowed despair to overcome good judgment, no such allowance can be made.
Morally speaking, there is also the case of indirect suicide, in which people harm their health through abusive practices such as excessive smoking, excessive drinking of alcoholic beverages, and unnecessary risk-taking. The Orthodox Church teaches that we are obligated to care for our health, so these kinds of practices in fact are looked upon as immoral. However, they do not carry the same negative implications which the direct taking of one's own life has.


I decided to have this posted at the beginning of lent. What a better time then now to learn more about religion?

P.S. I hope you had a wonderful St. Patrick's day!!

A List of [Some of] My Insecurities

I am an avid Thought Catalog reader.  and when I read this post it inspired me to do my own list of insecurities.  Maybe it will help you realize that you are not insane... or helps justify that you are insane.  ;)  depends upon your viewpoint of me I suppose.  Here we go!!

• Am I being awkward?
• Is what I am doing considered normal?
• Will I even pass this class?
• Does anyone want me
• Why are my teeth so yellow now.  
• Am I too clingy
• Why does my body grow so much hair that I do not want.  Could it just stop growing once I remove it?  That would be  so very nice.  I am so tired of removing the same hair in the same area's over and over again.
• Why are my hands so sweaty.  Other people's hands are not so sweaty. Why are mine. 
• Can everyone see how much acne is on my face? 
• Do people think they are my friend or am I just wrong. 
• My eyebrows are shaped weird. Will anyone notice
• Why can I not cut my bangs straight...
• While watching Desperate Housewives, is it weird that when the plumber died that that made me super upset about my grandma dying?  Is it so very weird. I suppose not. I hope not.
• How can I loose weight better
• Why can't I just be happy
• Why are other people not safe drivers?  Are they going to crash into me?  Can you please just stay in your lane.... don't come over here...
• Will I ever truly be independent
• Why do boys not like me? Am I really so unattractive
• Do I annoy people with how passionate I am
• Do other people carry their phone's all the time.
• Why cant I smile normal
• Am I too Bitchy?
• Why do my boobs look so weird.  Why can't they be the same.
• Assuming the worst every time something happens... is this normal/
• Does everyone else feel like a fraud and a failure?
•  Why when something bad happens between me and another person do I assume it's my fault. 
• Why are my bangs so greasy
• is my hair three times the size it normally is?  oh goodness.  How do I make it smaller...
• does everyone else notice how my nail polish is chipped?
• Do I watch too much TV? is that possible? 
• Does my best friend think I am his best friend?  or does he think that I am just super clingy.

First Kisses

When I kiss my crush for the first time:   Expectation:

   Reality:

 via #whatshouldbetchescallme   This is true.  First kisses are imagined to be so hot, and sexy.  But they end up being awkward.   My last first kiss I ended up kind of running away due to almost being late to my course. 
I thought he was going to hug me, but turns out he was going in for a kiss.  I only realized this once our heads had passed and my arms were around him.  That was semi awkward.  But life goes on.  

Things About Me

So I like to find these different challenges.  There is a tumblr account called Heck Yeah Tumblr Challenge.  I found this challenge there, and Here is what I chose to make out of it!  :) 

1. Complete this: I am a person who tends to Assume the worst. I always think everything is my fault and automatically think what the worst case scenario is and how to prepare for it.
2. 5 things I like about myself (appearance)
1. My Hair - it is long and brown, and I do my best o keep it healthy
2. My Eyes - they are multi-colored. 
3. My Nails - they can look pretty baller.
4. My hands - they are shaped 'normal' I suppose.  They aren't weird.  and I like 'em
5. My Teeth - After suffering so many years of braces and expander's and such they look pretty good.  :)
3. 10 things I like about myself (personality)
1. Caring
2. sincere
3. Helpful
4. easy-going
5. friendly
6. anxious ...its supposed to be positive Lydia....  keep it together... well mannored
7. logical
8. honest
9. protective
10. trustworthy
4. Complete: On a daily basis I think about what is going on, feel guilty, try to figure out what to do with my life.  Also I try to be happy and think positively. 
5. You won 2 plane tickets. Where would you go and who would you go with - why.
• I would go someplace across the globe and just live it up.  I would probably take Mara because she would embrace it and doesn't have any attachments, and will push me to have fun and do things I otherwise would not have considered
6. 15 things you have on your room - why you have them.
1.  I have 8 of Andy Warhol'spictures framed on my wall.  They are above my bed and I love the quotations.
2. A Bamboo plant.  The residence hall I lived in my sophomore year of college had a dining hall attached to it.  Near the end of the school year they had bamboo plants in these vases.  WEel.  I may have decided to steal one... or two.  One for me and one for Mara. 
3. A glass block filled with sea shells. When we went to kennybunkport, I had collect some chells and i chose to display them in a glass container.  
4. Similarly I have a class jar, for lack of a better word, where i have sand dollars from the same location
5. A cactus plant.  Because they're awesome
6. Two orchid plants... that have no flowers.  I am not doing too well at maintaining their lives. 
7. My paddle from when I joined my sorority, Phi Sigma Rho. I love it, and the friendship and support it has brought me.
8. Dried carnations from my grandmothers flower arrangement  on her casket.
9. A bunch of perfume ad's on my wall.  They look cool when displayed in such a way.  it is also interesting to see how different people advertise the same product.
10. Blank greeting cards.  It is one of the ways I keep in touch with my friends who are far away.  Sometimes going old school is the best way to stay in contact.  It is just so personal, and means a bit more when you receive a letter.  And who doesn't enjoy receiving mail??  
11. Henrick.  He is a stuffed monkey which my friends got me to be there for me when my dad was diagnosed with cancer.  It was so nice and I love having him. 
12. I have books on a bookshelf. [crazy, I know]  The books are the ones I have enjoyed reading.
13. A TV.  I enjoy listening to it while I am doing things.
14. My Clarinet.  :)
15. My Pin collection
7. Complete: I am insecure, but I would like to change it and be more secure with myself and things I try to do.
8. 3 things people don’t know about me.
1.  if a happy, healthy person [on the inside] were to be operating at 100%, I feel like I am finally operating at 60% finally, compared to the 20% I used to operate at a year ago.
2. I have been kicked out of someone's house
3. I am much more open minded than some would initially think.
9. What is the thing you enjoy to do the most? Why?
• smiling.  Smiling is my favorite.  Well.  Being happy and being with friends. That is what I find most enjoyable.
10. Complete: I care more about others than myself.
11. Post a picture of you with 5 facts.  Sorry gang, I don't feel like finding a pic of me at the moment.
12. 1 thing you dislike about you.
•  That I am very anxious.
13. Are you a negative or a positive person - Well, I think of the worst case scenario initially.  And think of how to prepare for it.  Then I hope for the best.  and I share the positive with others. So I am unsure what that defines me as.
14. 20 things you like to do before you die.
15. Do a mini bucket list.  I didn't feel like doing these.  #sorryimnotsorry

I Want You This Close

via here

I realized after my relationship with my ex was over, he never actually hugged me. Yeah we cuddled and were close.  But never did he ever actually hug me.  And I love hugs.  They're one of my favorite things.  Being close to someone.  And just the warmth and love. 

There was a study done, and it states that if you hug another person for 20 seconds, it releases some hormone that makes you and the other person feel good and creates a positive interaction between the two.

Purpose of this post:  I love hugs.  Please, next time you see me feel free to hug me.  I won't think it is awkward.  And I promise to warmly return it. 

 

Quotes on Facebook

Do you remember when it was so cool to have quotes on facebook?  I do.  And I am trying to clean my page up a bit.  So I decided to remove some quotes because... well.  It's a little crowded.  And simplicity is key.  As you can see by this new layout, which I hope you like.  Please let me know if it hard to read or something isn't functioning properly.

So without Further Ado!

 “First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Socialists and the Trade Unionists, but I was neither, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew so I did not speak out. And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

That was one I picked.  Basically it just means stand up for others.  It could be you someday who needs stood up for.

 “It is the characteristic excellence of the strong man that he can bring momentous issues to the fore and make a decision about them. The weak are always forced to decide between alternatives they have not chosen themselves.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

  there  ya go.

“We must learn to regard people less in light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

 Sometimes people have the best intentions, but if they are in too much pain they might not be able to do all they say.

  “The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” - Albert Einstein

Think outside the box my friends.  :)

  "Play with Heart"

My Clarinet Teacher would say that.  It means put your whole self into the music.  Don't half ass it.  This can be applied to all aspects of life.

 "Only the good die young"  -  Billy Joel

 Treasure people while you can, enjoy the moments.  You never know when God is going to chose to take them.

It Could Always Be Worse.

So I am Single.  And the  way in which I was broken up was kind of a shitty way.  My mild manner friends have even called him a dick for doing it in the manner in which he did.  You can read all about it here.  this is the second volume.  And reasons why I am content with not being with him here.

But, what inspired this post was a FML I read.  Which made me realize it could always be worse.

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me by writing on my bathroom mirror in Sharpie. What did he write? "Hi, I'm Emily. I'm fat, ugly, and now single." FML

That would have been a lot worse.  I know what my boy did to me, but wow.  That boy just made my boy look like a gentleman.

Until Next Time!

On Being Single

I know I talked about doing a post about being single a bit ago, and it has been longer than I intended to be.  But Better late than never.


This is what I found on #whatshouldwecallme  Here's the link to this 'comic'




But really.  Thank you Auntie.  I am indeed still single.  Thank you for pointing that out.... That was lovely.  Hopefully I'll still be single next year so I can tell you about my life as a spinster.   Unfortunately i was looking forward to not being a spinster this holiday season.  Alas.  Plans never work out.

Here is another one from #whatshouldwecallme  The Link!

Merry Christmas Indeed.  Thankfully my cousins are not actually dating anyone.  And not all of my friends have a boyfriend.  So that isn't so much the case.  But when you're in situations like that it is absolutely terrible.  Maybe you can relate.  Maybe you can't.

Found via this facebook page

Though, quotediary.me is where it is really from.

This states it very well.  There are pro's and con's to being single.  as is being taken.  Though at the moment, I do wish I was taken.  Taken is fun.  Taken means you're not alone.  

And I mean, there is always this:

Found via this facebook page

Hopefully this feeling comes to you soon.  As I hope that it will be coming to me very soon.  :)