Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.

• Woke up via phone alarm
• mom came in and talked to me
• came in later talked about having breakfast
• got up and showered quick
• did makeup
• went to the doctors
• got a prescription
• went to the drug store
• dropped of prescription
• found that you can buy a pet rock
• talked to the pharmacist about my dad
• picked up my drugs
• went home
• Stated watching the guardian (tv show)
• got some sausage.
• ate and watched tv
• mom and dad left for dr. coon's
• went and had some banana bread and watched a special on sports domes
• read me book while Law and Order CI was on
• Got jack from the high school
• read some more
• They got back from testing
• decide to go to Ruby Tuesdays
• leave after watching American Pickers.
• had dinner
• saw Reis's but didn't talk to them
• left
• slipped on carpet while elaving and caught self on door
• go home
• chill in room
• blog about this
• wait for class to start while not going  into a food coma.
• go to class
• sit in class
• get out early
• go home
• sit around
• have a klondike bar
• watch how i met your mother
• finish this.

Probs will watch either 2.5 men or 2 broke girls. we will see.  maybe both.  :)

Day 11 - Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.

1. Spiderwebs- No Doubt
2. Anthem, Pt. 2- blink 182
3. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
4. Angel - Aerosmith
5. This Love - Maroon 5
6. Falling in Love- Aerosmith
7. Hey there Delilah - Plain white T's
8. Fat Lip - Sum 41
9. The Rock Show - Blink182 -  this music video I liked to it is the remake of the original.  Friggin Hilarious.  Definitely  watch this one.
10. I'm on a Boat - The Lonely island

Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss

Well, this is about my first love and kiss.

We'll start with my first relationship.  How does that sound?

So for my Senior Prom, I decided I didn't want to go alone.  For once, I wanted to have a date.  So I asked this kid, Chris, who I knew but really didn't know, to go to the zoo with me and my brother ended up going along.  Which at the time I had to have been 17... interesting.  But we went to the zoo.  then i ended up asking him to go to prom.  he said yes.  then we chatted a lot via AIM cuz we were so cool like that.  then we went on a date, then he asked me to be his girlfriend.  So i agreed.  even though I didn't really like him, I didn't want to be like uhh no.  I only wanted a date to the prom.  But at this first movie we went to, it was Star Trek, I fell asleep during it, cuz i'm just that cool.  but at the end i was leaning on him, and he kissed me.  and started shoving his tongue in my mouth.  with was super awkward.  I kinda didn't dig having his tongue in my mouth.  and he tasted weird.  But whatever.  The weirdest part of the kiss was right afterwards.  he said something along the lines of, 'didn't your mama ever teach you how to kiss?'

 How awkward is that.

Super awkward.

........Lemme tell you.......

So that was my first kiss.

My first love.....

Was Redacted.  Whoops!  ;)

Day 9 - How you hope your future will be like.

I hope my future will be happy.  I hope I have my friends still, and my family will be healthy and happy.

Day 8 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

The moment I feel most satisfied with my life.

Wow. Complete opposite of how my day is.  ( i am completely unsatisfied.)

But The time i was most satisfied with my life that is coming to mind is the beginning of sophomore year at Dayton. 

I was in charge of a bunch of things, which made me feel like i was in charge of my life.  I understood what was going on in school, and had a lot of friends i could rely on.  Nothing was terribly wrong with my family, and we were coexisting pretty well.  I hadn't developed my negativity towards Amanda, so my living conditions were not terrible, but not awesome.   I was not super in like With the guy I like, so I didn't really have the huge boy distraction of him, plus I had no classes with him either.  Tadj was still friends with me and talked with me (now he doesn't really at all.) (I didn't even get to hear from him that he got a girlfriend.  I found out via facebook.  This is coming from the guy who liked to claim he was my best friend.  which he isn't.)

But I knew what was going on, had friends i got to hang out with, and no major problems going on at the time.

So thats when i was most satisfied with my life.

Day 7 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

So off the bat, I'm a Libra and I think it fits my personality well.

So i could be sure to prove the points I pulled up this site   to reference the traits.

• It describes as positive traits as : Diplomatic, Urbane, romantic, charming, easygoing, sociable, idealistic, and peaceable. 
• Diplomatic - Yes I do really enjoy everything being fair.  I think thats how things should be.  Fair for everyone.  
• Urbane - I would like to think of myself as elegant ( I had to look this up at dictionary.com) and ideally that is what I would be. Alas, I am not this realistically being the person I am.  Hopefully once i make a dent in my lifestyle change, that will change also. 
• Romantic - the styles that I like., definitely would be considered romantic.  What really defines that is my taste in jewelry
• Charming - People find me charming.... for some odd reason.  i don't get it. 
• Easygoing - I can definitely fly by the seat of my pants. 
• Sociable - under the right circumstances I am, though I tend to be more of an introvert
• idealistic - I like to plan for the worst but expect the best.  Best way to stay safe.
• Peaceable - I don't generally enjoy conflict, except in a playful manner or if its something i really believe in.  
• The "dark side" items are
• Indecisive - totally me.  I hate making decisions that are of basically no consequence. 
• Changeable - If you can sway the facts one way or another I can be changed.  Especially when it comes to alcohol. ;)
• Gullible - Yeah.  My being gullible is like the grass being green.... so I'm very gullible....
• Flirtatious - I do tend to be more on the flirty side of the law when I'm in a happy mood, though not always flirty.  Cuz sometimes I deal with creepy people. 
• Easily influenced - Same as changeable
• Self-Indulgent - Yeahh.... I do like to please myself before doing other things. Prime example: this blog. 
• Likes:
• the finer things in life - eh.  i don't know about that.... 
• Sharing - I don't like sharing.  Its mine.  get your own.
• Conviviality - what the hell does that mean?
• gentleness - Mostly....there's just i few things where i like it rough ;)
• Dislikes
• Violence - It's bad.
• Injustice - Definitely bad.  Dislike it immensly.
• Brutishness - yep
• Being a slave to fashion - definitely don't buy current fashion shit.  waste of money.
• Choice of color:
• BLUE!!!!! - my fav color of all times.
• Starstone: 
• Sapphire - considered good luck in many ways and a major healing stone.
• Ruling Planet 
• Venus - It rhymes with penis.  Which makes me think of kristen and laugh.  ;)

So the summation:  Hellz ya being a Libra is the perfect fit for me.

Day 6 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.

1. I am in Phi Sigma Rho, and I love love love it.
2. I was born on September 23, 1991 at 723 PM
3. Originally lived in Sheffield Lake, but we moved when I was 5 to Westlake on December 13, 1996
4. I was given the Phi award from my sorority chapter, Which is the person who best exemplifies friendship.  Which I feel so honored.  Because I don't think I did that much.  But I keep relearning that you never know the impact of of the little things you do.
5. In High school, I was apart of a competition where we had to design and build a model of a home while using certain specifications. Which is really cool to say.
6. On pottormore I was classified as a Hufflepuff. 
7. to come up with all these facts, i googled and learned about all these other people. 
8. My girl crush is Mila Kunis.  I think she's the greatest and I'd definitely............yeahhh  ;)
9. The majority of my friends go to school in Dayton. 
10. I miss them so much every day, and I don't really think they understand how much I miss them and wish I could be with them. 
11. I used to play the clarinet and piano. I want to get back into it.  But hello college...
12. I'm majoring in Chemical Engineering.  Currently.  I keep having doubts.  We shall see.
13. I really like when it rains and snows.  I wish it was doing something like that the majority of the time.  It somehow just makes me happy.
14. I don't like to shower.  I like being clean... but not the shower to get clean. or a bath.
15. I am truly an introvert, but very few of my friends would believe that.  Because I can fake it.  which is a skill.  
16. I love receiving mail.  its the best thing ever.
17. I  like having arguments/discussions  with people.  they're my favorite.  It gives a purpose to talk.  And i like bantering. :) as some people reallyyy know.
18. My favorite quote is, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."  - Dr. Seuss.      - Bernard Baruch  (holy crap!  Who knew that a stock guy said that!??!)
    Which you definitely have to follow that.  or else what are you going to  do?
19. I wish I had a core group of friends who always did things together.  I think it would be awesome. To just be able to say, what are we doing tonight and not have to worry that its awkward that you are joining them.
20. I am terrible at communicating with people who don't know me well.  I have a weird thought process, im comparison to a normal person.  My friends can understand what I was thinking. easier.
21. I am great at being socially awkward.  And I'm ok with it.  It's almost fun i guess.  Because I'm just being myself.  
22. I'm terribly too trusting.  
23. My volume of of the tv has to be a multiple of five. 
24. I don't dream when i sleep
25. I always sleep on my side and don't move when I sleep.  
26. I am super observant in comparison to people i've dealt with.
27. I have a very high level of anxiety.
28. My favorite ice cream is Coffee.  i loveeeeeeeee it.
29. My friends got me Henrick.  I love him soo much.  It means so much to me.  (again, the little things are what matter)
30. I love solving other's problems, but I dont' like to solve my own, and i either don't have the availability for my friends to talk about my issues, or i'm not comfortable to do that yet. 

Day 5 - A time you thought about ending your own life.

Well.  This one is only a couple hours late.  but better late then never, eh?

But its super suck of a post.  This is due to the fact that I am not ready to talk about it.  At least not to the internet.  because people can read this shit.


SO there we go.

Weekend Update

So Went to Dayton this past weekend.  It was super fun.  

When I got in, i parked behind the house and walked over to the pie a professor event.  That was kinda fun to watch, but it was nice to see all these people.  It was fun chillin' and hanging with them.  I got to meet Mara and Kristen's littles, Ray, Mary, and Kathleen.  

Kristen and I then brought stuff back to the house and went to the bathroom. Kathleen, Maria (one of Amy's littles), and Caroline (Alex P's little), and Mara and Kristen and I went to dinner at Marycrest on Kathleen and Caroline's dime.  So that was super duper nice. It was nice meeting them and hanging out with them. 

 But then Nikki was coming and she was texting me and calling me letting me know when she was getting in.  I didn't realize she was so like I AM COMING TO SEE YOU!!!!  which is kinda scary.  Especially since we don't really talk all that often.  Basically we've never talked since we left.

So from texting matt and talking to him he knew i didn't really want to be with her one on one.  So I told him id Go there if that was at all possible.  Which it ended up as we were leaving Marycrest, Matt and Nikki were walking towards us.  I was soo excited to see Matt.  though he has this scraggly beard thing going on. It's interesting.  Us and the dinner crew went o the galley for ice cream.  which they didn't have any.  :(  so matt and nikki and I didn't want to go get a smoothie with everyone else, so we ended up going over to his house and hanging.Then she wanted to call? or got a call from Jordan... this gamer dude. That [name removed] made out with. that one.  So Nikki was like Lets go over the the commuter lounge and see him!  And matt was like yeah that sounds good.!  Its jordan!  I was like.. no, knowing it would be super awkward.  But i didn't want to be a downer for matt so i ended up going anyways.  Which it was really awkward.  Everyone was wearing black shirts (coincidence) and playing magic and other games.  I was ready to get the hell out of there so i texted mara and asked where they were so i could escape.  So I was like I am going to go meet up with some people.  Which i think i told matt it was Kristen and Mara.  So he was like I think I'm going to leave too.  And that was after I had said my goodbyes.  and then he took forever so I left.  He ended up calling me, which my phone was on silent. and met up with me outside the building.  We went over to Phi Rho and hung out on the porch.  They started talkign about all this stuff with hw and such.  And it was funny. Mara kept talking about how if someone would do the MATLAB code for her, she would perform sexual favors.  For realz.

Which is why Matt probs sent it to her.............

• Go inside
• awkwardness period
• ryan mooney
• kelsey
• ice cream.... but no ice cream
• richards brian bowman... that whole group of boys mark mehal, etc
• dumb game - star wars paradey
• left 
• kathleen and kristen
• drove kathleen home
• cody's 
• nick and hannah, taste, beer, go up, shot
• clean up
• cody drive us to hannah
• phone forgotten
• pancakes from nick
• chatting with hannah
• her stuff
• my stuff
• porch
• bed

• sat.
• get up
• wake up mara at 815
• wait around and go to cody's to get keys at 915
• hang out a wee bit 
• get milk and pop and cappachino
• spill up hill
• shower
• waffles11
• dishes
• walkby andrews thing super awk
• back home
• do hw at matts
•  go get flasks from cody
• go to house
• move tv
• go to matts
• go to house
• talk a wee bit
• get fusian with emily - zebra chocolate bread cookie
• eat fusian
• get things together to go over to sarah's to get ready
• get ready
• drink
• begin walking over
• sarah falls over
• bloody doctor
• go to mcguiness
• go to dance
• cinci is there
• dance dance dance
• drink drink drink
• in bathroom with purse and cop lady walks in with kristen almost drinking
• katie ranting about she's no longer 00 
• katie drinking
• katie ordering champagne
•  sraah gets jumped on
• tells me about jess at gavel
• would never enddd
• two buses
• went back to sarah's
• srah and asthma
• kim emily mara and i to house with kristen to drop stuff off
• abrs? not bars
• animal crackers
• emily passes out
• kim goes home
• mara and i go to see if andrew is still having a party
• matt is up
• go in.  stand around.  sit
• watch tv
• talk about oging to bars
• go to kitchen
• disgusting pizza
• water
• smore
• lick mara's finger
• boob talk
• southpark on netflix
• mara wants to watch porn
• snuggling
• leave
• foot hurts
• forgot clutch
• go back get it
• he meets me outside
• mara iswaitingforme.
• wantsto make sure i'm not mad
• i admit i am jealous of her, though its not her fault he was on her.
• she did bitehim.
• yay!
• uncomfy couch
• sleep

• wake up
• pillow talkwith emily
• michael in scotland
• get up
• clean up
• make up
• get house ready for whatcha callit
• bbq
• chill
• mary kayparty.... narrow hooded eyes round face
• wait around for matt to respond cuz i want to get out.
• end up maybe thinking about being thealumni chapter chairperson
• have emails to send
• go to matts, but he wasabout to go out the door to the library so it was a quick goodbye...nice hug though.
• it was good, cuz i was ready to fall apart
• bye to ryan 
• bye to tadj... did a dig at him about how he is actually going to hug me for once.
• go to phi rho
• say goodbye to them.  get rid of last of vodka... sarah is still upstairs
• drop flasks off say a quick hi bye to kaylea
• go home

Day 4 - Your views on religion

I honestly don't care what religion you are, you just need to believe in something so that you have someone to hold you accountable.

Mind you I do think that something needs to be a positive overall thing.  not an extremist group.  those arn't the best.

But you need to be held accountable to whats right and wrong.

Day 3 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Alcohol - You can have it once you've become 18.  Or you should be.  (my fav!)

People wonder why people of my generation begin to smoke?  It is because we can't drink.  I have seriously considered smoking multiple times because at the end of the day, i'm just soooo stressed, and from what i hear it relieves stress.  which sounds like the best thing ever.  especially in today's society with so much pressure on everything being perfect and well.

Drugs - They're illegal for a reason.

Though Pot.... i wouldn't be opposed to it being legalized because its going on anyways.  and its not terrible.  at least from what i know.    I wouldn't be opposed to that, though i dont think i would soon.  i might try it someday.  we'll see though.

Day 2 - Where you'd like to be in 10 years

As of right now, I would like to be in  a serious relationship, but moreso married.  And with a job. Maybe a kid on the way.  We’ll see.

But most definitely want to be happy.  Happiness is definitely what I need to have.  Right now, not terribly happy.  In the future I would love to be super happy.

Update April 24th:

So this past weekend while I was at dinner Friday night with Mara, Kristen, Catherine, Maria, and Kathleen.

Mara Kristen and I  were talking....  and were saying that Matt came up to the porch and was saying I would go to his house before I went to pie a prof.  Which i ended up going to pie a prof first. which worked well because I got free dinner, thanks to kathleen!  :) Yay!

 Mara mentioned something about marriage....and i removed the rant because no need to show my moment of crazyness.   :)

If you really want to see what I wrote,  or the redacted files of mine,  feel free to ask, and you might receive. ;)

Day 1 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

Relationship Status: Single as one could possibly be.

Closest thing to a relationship that would qualify to this?  My Best Friend Matt.  We talk all the time, and I have a crush on him off and on.  But I doubt it would ever really work.  But lifetime friend, definitely. 

Single life... is annoying.  I want someone who i can always talk to, and rely on.  Someone who tells me their problems and trusts me how I trust them. It would be nice.

But realistically in my life, its not fair to bring anyone into my life right now with all the shit blowing everywhere.  That's too much to expect from someone. 

That is all I have to say for now.  Surprisingly.

It is what it is.

Thanks Mara.  :)

30 Day Challenge

So for my readers, or future readers, (hopefully, cuz currently there is no one viewing my page)

But I am going to take it upon myself to do this, thirty day challenge.  In order.  And hopefully in a row.  

This is where I got my idea.  And why the hell not? It might be worth doing, what with all housecleaning on my insides I’ve been trying to do.

I think I’ll try to write as much as I can.  But if I need to write more, I can always come back at a later date, and I’ll write update 4/12:  or something like that.    That would be best I think.

So We're off to the races!!